One of the more difficult challenges in parenting-especially single parenting is teaching emotional literacy. You might think that you do not teach this subject, because you have never heard of it, and you do not consider yourself a teacher. Emotional intelligence or literacy (I also use emotional health interchangeably) is the ability to precisely identify and communicate our feelings. In order to ensure that our children’s emotional needs are met, they must first be able to identify how they feel. Babies cry when they are hungry, or have a wet diaper-they are expressing a need in their unique way. As people grow they express emotional needs in different ways. Unmet emotional needs can lead to depression, anxiety, and unhealthy relationships.
So how do you begin to meet the emotional needs of your child when your emotional health is in need of a very long hospital stay? After a relationship break-up you must try to meet your emotional needs through varied healthy relationships and talking through how you feel. Accepting help is essential to maintaining your emotional health. Let people in to your life even though you might find it extremely difficult to trust other people after your divorce. The good news here is that you do not have to be a Professor of Emotional Literacy, or a Doctor in Emotional Health in order to start teaching your children how to identify their emotions.
Start with using simple emotional terms such as “I feel sad, or I feel mad” with your children to help describe how you feel. You can even make a face that coincides with the emotion you are expressing-such as a sad face when you feel sad-these non-verbal cues are especially effective with younger children. Now ask your children to explain how they feel. Try to do this when there is not a highly emotional event occurring. Practicing stating how one feels when things are calm is more effective than during an intense disagreement.
Help your children to take responsibility for their feelings and always respect other people’s feelings. Encourage your children to understand that feelings are one part of who we are and therefore we should not make decisions based solely on how we feel. Identification and proper expression of feelings is an ideal goal for functioning at a reasonable level of emotional literacy.