Children often have a hard time understanding what they are feeling. Parents can help by using a technique called emotional mirroring. When we look in a mirror, we see our reflection staring back at us, exactly as it is without any added flattery or faults, according to Dr. Haim Ginott. We don’t expect our mirror to start talking to us (unless you’re living in a fairytale), commenting on how bad we look. We may not like what we see but we want to make the decisions about changing the way we look.
When it comes to our kids emotions, they want the same thing. When parents become emotional mirrors, we simply help our kids put into words what they are feeling, without any sermons or distortions. We let our kids know that we sympathize with what they are feeling. “You seem upset,” or “You must be worried about not passing the test,” are examples of emotional mirroring.
So often, we want to add our two cents when all our kids want is someone to listen and understand what they are going through. Emotional mirroring serves this purpose. Even as adults, we have had events that caused us to become angry, afraid or hurt. Many times all we want is a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to us vent. We’re not necessarily looking for someone to offer his or her opinion but simply someone to listen to us. Our kids sometimes need the same thing from us. Haim says, “When one of our children is distressed, afraid, confused, or sad, we naturally rush in with judgment and advice. The clear, if unintended message is: “You are too dull to know what to do.” On top of the original pain we add the new insult.”
As parents our task as an emotional mirror is to offer our time and our compassion to our children while sending the message that they are important to us and that we understand their feelings. Ultimately, they will then find the best solution to their own problems.
See also:
Helping Kids Solve Their Own Problems
Creating a Positive Home Environment