Empathy in parenting, friendship, and life is important—it allows us to connect with other people and have rich and valuable relationships. Not only can we share our empathy with others, but we also need to feel it come in our direction. Sympathy is another one of those emotions of understanding that can be shared. Where we can get into trouble, however, is when empathy and sympathy become pity…
I don’t know about you, but I do NOT want people to feel sorry for me and I know that when I find myself feeling sorry for other people, whether it is my children, friends, family or a stranger—I can tell that it doesn’t make them feel any better. Feeling someone’s pity has the effect of making one feel as though she is pathetic and cannot take care of herself or solve her own problems, whereas empathy and sympathy let us know that people are with us, they’ve been there, and they are pulling for us—a much more positive blanket of caring than pity.
As single parents, we can keep an eye on what sort of emotional support we are giving to our children, as well as what we are soliciting from others. Do we really want people to look at us with pathetic pity and assume that we cannot get our lives together? Do we really want to send a message to our children that we are feeling sorry for them and do not have faith that they will be capable and competent in facing down what comes their way? There is such a difference between saying to someone: “Hey, I’ve been there and I know that sucks! I’m pulling for you and I’m here if you need me, but I just know you’ll be fine” and something like: “Oh, you poor baby! Let me do that for you or how can I make it better?!”
Also: Thinking Like a Parent, But with Empathy for the Child
Single and Sad? or Single and Sassy?