When raising a child as a single parent, you will be faced with some new and unexpected challenges. As your child begins to age, he/she will start to develop independence, which is healthy and positive. However, what you want is to make sure your child is empowered, not powerful, at least in the sense of discipline. Just expect your child to try to outsmart you, becoming very creative during this headstrong phase. While some people might thing of this as the child being stubborn, bratty, or even rebellious, the child is actually just trying to grow up.
Typically, from the age of two and up, you will need to start focusing on ways to empower your child. To give you an idea of how you can do this while retaining control, when my son was six, he suddenly became very particular about his clothes, never wanting to wear what I had chosen. At first, we got into these mini-battles but then, I decided to try something different. I laid out two outfits, both of which I approved. Then, I would ask him, “Chad, if you had your choice, which of these outfits would you like to wear today”? In his mind, he was the one making the choice. Therefore, I kept the power but empowered him.
Remember, by empowering your child the right way, you help develop a strong, self-assured child. The key is only to empower to the right degree based on the child’s age and the child him or herself. In fact, by overpowering your child too much, you could create the opposite, making the child feels somewhat powerless. You want your child to feel useful, important, and viable. Empowering in the right way and to the right degree prepares your child for the immediate future, a well as life long-term.
If your child tries to take power from you, simply refuse to participate. As my mother always used to say, “It takes two to argue”. Therefore, you should never feel challenged or in competition with your child and vice versa. Instead, you hold the position as the single parent and the child as the child – simply put. This way, power struggles are avoided and eliminated altogether. You will find that you and your child enjoy a better bonding opportunity as well.
You can teach your child through empowerment through giving him or her choices, as with the scenario with the clothing instead of giving the child a demand. Of course, you want to make sure the choices are age and child-appropriate. With the right empowerment, you will find that taking your child to a public restaurant is more enjoyable, challenges in school are not as great, and overall, the child becomes more self-assured and content.