Some people are definitely their own toughest critics. And, this goes for young children too. While you may not know why or how they came about being so self-critical—there are things that parents can do to encourage and support a child who is, by nature, very hard on him or herself…
Self-critical children may have self-esteem issues, or they may be perfectionists who expect a great deal from themselves. As with most aspects of parenting, it pays to take a look at our own behavior to see if we are saying or doing anything that might be encouraging or passing on these self-critical behaviors. Showing compassion and appreciation for the process and attempts can help set the stage for letting our child know that we are NOT critical or focusing on the results.
I used to inject a little humor when my kids would get self-critical. When one of them would say something like “I’m so stupid” or “How could I do something so dumb!” I would say, “Oh, I don’t let anyone talk about my wonderful child like that!” It would almost always get a laugh or at least let them know that I thought they were fabulous regardless of what they did. Letting your child see and hear that you make mistakes and that everyone makes mistakes and it’s just one of those things can help to create an environment where the focus is not on perfection.
If your child seems to be feeling inferior or like a failure in life in general, you may need to really pay close attention and try to figure out what is going on with his self-esteem. Find ways to praise and encourage him—not for anything he does or accomplishes—but just for being himself. And, look to see if things really ARE too hard, or if he is in situations where there is too much stressful focus on performance.
While you really can’t expect a self-critical child to change and become an optimistic cheerleader overnight, some attention and encouragement from mom and/or dad can help her to lighten up and feel better about herself over time.
See Also: Practical Ways to Build Self Esteem
“Why Am I Different?”–Depression and the Special Needs Child
Are You Boosting or Crushing Your Child’s Self-Esteem–Take the Quiz