Respect can be a big issue in families. In fact, it can be a big issue for many of us in various aspects of our lives—at work, with our extended families and friends, or even with strangers that we might come in contact with. We all want to be respected, and we may ‘demand respect’ from our children for our authority as parents, but are we actually teaching our children what to expect in terms of respect for themselves?
Sometimes, I think that respect can be one of the more confusing aspect of family life. As parents, we demand respect, but we may be disrespectful to our children in the process. What does this actually teach them? If we are constantly invading our child’s space, privacy, and boundaries, can we expect him or her to be able to protect and insist upon them with other people?
As parents, we have the ability to teach our children self-respect, as well as help them to develop a strong enough sense of self so as to be able to only accept decent treatment from others—but it will take some work and focus on our part. We can teach our children what is acceptable behavior and treatment and what is not—but it involves modeling on our part. We need to set reasonable expectations for respect in our own lives (with friends, spouses, partners, coworkers, family, etc.) in order to teach our children how to do it for themselves.
Bullying our children by saying things like: “You’re not going to take that from him are you?” or “You can take that kid!” does not really teach them about respect. Respect goes much deeper than whether or not we can yell the loudest or hit the hardest. Building the confidence and esteem that helps a child to demand respect (this does not mean they will always be treated with respect, but they will learn to tell what is acceptable and what is not) starts with infancy and it comes from the way we parents treat our children and allow ourselves to be treated.