Here are my first five essentials for a happy lasting marriage. Last night as Mick and I played a game of Settlers of Catan, I was thinking about our marriage and thinking about how far we’ve come over our more than 40 years of marriage from that young couple that started out together. So here are a few of my essentials.
1. Love
Love is the obvious starting point. But not the wishy washy excuse for love we see on movie and TV screens. And not just lust or chemical attraction which also gets portrayed often but a real concern and care for the other person. The one you love should be then one you can imagine living with and can’t imagine living without.
2. Choose carefully
Carefully choose your spouse with your head as well as your heart. Don’t be blinded into thinking he or she is perfect. They’re not. Recognize their faults and determine if they are ones you can live with.
3. Respect
A marriage will soon crumble unless you respect your partner and respect your marriage, which means not broadcasting their faults to others and not sharing personal details outside of the marriage. I am constantly amazing at the number of intimate details some people share about their marriages and spouses and the lack of respect for their partner I see.
4. Trust
This really goes along with respect in a way. You need to be able to trust your spouse and they need to be able to trust you – that you each have the other’s best interests at heart and that each of you will be faithful to the marriage contract. I’d go so far as to say a marriage which is not based on trust is doomed to failure.
5. Tenacity
No matter how much in love you are when you start out there are going to be times when your marriage is tested, when family problems, financial hardship, illness, disaster and hard times hit. At times like that you need to cling together even more tightly till you weather the storm. Sometimes it is hard and you may feel like giving up. It won’t always be easy, bit it is worth it so be tenacious.
You might want to add some others to this list. I’d love to hear them. And join me tomorrow for other essentials for a happy lasting marriage.
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