One afternoon not too long ago as I was folding laundry I was watching True Hollywood Story: Rock Star Wives. It was sensational.
Some of the rock stars profiled included Dee Snider (Twisted Sister), Alice Cooper, Duff Mckagan (Guns N’ Roses, Velvet Revolver), Slash (Guns N’ Roses), and Vince Neil (Motley Crue). Both the wives and the rock stars were surprisingly candid about the trials and tribulations their marriages experienced.
What struck me most was how so many of the marriages had encountered every kind of worst case scenario imaginable. And I’m not talking about just one kind of worst case situation per marriage. I’m talking about having to deal with multiple ones. Everything from substance abuse to coping with an unfaithful spouse to work keeping them apart. Maybe not all at the same time, but all at some point in the marriage.
Many marriages fall apart when confronted with just one of these issues. And, yes, some of theirs did too. But remarkably many tried to work through those tough times rather than throwing in the towel.
I think that’s why the program captured my attention. Since I resolved to make the most of marriage in ’08, I kept watching to see what lessons could be learned from their trials.
And I think the main lesson I learned was of the marriages that survived, commitment and dedication to making the marriage work was what pulled them through those tough times.
A scenario that comes to mind was Alice Cooper’s wife. She partied with him and they partied hard. But it almost killed him. He tried to keep it from her just how sick he was. (Physically sick. He was throwing up blood in the mornings and cleaning the bathroom to try and hide it from her.) But she knew. And she helped him get the help he needed.
Another wife (I don’t remember whose she was) was talking about how hard it was having him go on the road, but how it also wasn’t that much more fun touring with him. How they tried not to go more than two weeks without a visit, but how it got hard being out and about and seeing couples and families together when he was away.
They also all touched on the groupie factor and how they had to battle the green-eyed monster at one time or another. So trust and faith that their man would do the right thing when faced with temptation was huge. And when their men were weak and gave in, forgiveness was what helped keep them together.
I guess why the show impressed me so much is because I always associate fame and glamor with living on easy street. But at the heart of it, these larger than life rock stars and their wives are just normal people trying to make a go of marriage like anyone else. Just because they have fame and fortune doesn’t mean it comes any easier for them than the rest of us. They still have to work at it.
And perhaps that’s the biggest lesson to take away. Marriage is work. If you don’t put in the time it will fall apart and leave you singing the blues.
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