Talking about sex isn’t always comfortable. We see sex as being a private thing between husband and wife, and that’s how it should be, but there are times when problems occur, and at those times, it can be appropriate to seek help.
It seems to be expected that sex should be an enjoyable thing for both partners. However, for many people, it’s not. They may not have the physical reactions of pleasure that they would like to have during the act, and this can lead to resentment in the marriage. If one spouse is having all the fun, and the other spouse isn’t, the non-fun-having spouse can feel as though they are being used or that having relations is a duty, rather than a shared experience. The solution may be finding those things that stimulate the non-responsive partner.
In many cases, foreplay may be the answer. Many people, women in particular, take a long time to “warm up,” and if their partner isn’t willing to give them that time, they might feel as though sex isn’t something they can enjoy. But if their partner is patient and takes time in the process, it can make the experience more enjoyable, and this in turn makes it more meaningful for both partners.
There are two books I highly recommend. No, they’re aren’t “adventurous” books – they are written to help couples understand the basic act of marriage and problems that might arise. They are very specific in their terminology, but they are also both written from religious viewpoints, so they are respectful of the topic. The first is “The Act of Marriage,” by Tim and Beverly LaHaye. It talks about intimacy, what to expect, how each spouse’s body will respond to certain stimuli, and how to have a fulfilling physical relationship. The second book is “And They Were Not Ashamed” by Laura M. Brotherson. It discusses the fact that some people respond differently to stimuli and may need to take more time with the love-making act.
If you feel that you aren’t responding how you should to the act of intimacy, you’re not alone—many people feel this way. But with a little additional information, and the loving cooperation of your spouse, you can find solutions that work for you.
Related Blogs:
Intimacy and Imagination in Marriage