Can enough be said about anger? As a person, a parent, and someone trying to deal with a child’s anger–this can be one of the most difficult emotions to process and deal with in a healthy way. The first time our 2 year-old gets angry and has an outburst, it can be overwhelming and embarrassing; when we feel our own selves getting angry at that sweet child we adore, we can feel like we need to bury or repress it. Anger can feel unpredictable and unreasonable. So, what is a parent to do?
First of all, learning how to express anger constructively is a good thing. Even the occasional temper tantrum does not necessarily make a person a bad parent. I am not advocating violence or unreasonable behavior, but learning how to express and get those angry feelings out constructively can help you to be able to move on and be a more available parent.
I can remember several years ago, in the midst of my divorce, getting so angry and frustrated at the state of affairs–I had been trying to be so mature, available, responsible, and calm for about a year while it felt like everything was flying out of control. One evening, just as dark was setting in, I felt so much anger that I just had to get it out. I stumbled out into the backyard and for some strange reason, I just wanted to break things. I took an old, wobbly rake that was always annoying me when I tried to use it and broke it into a half dozen pieces against the back fence. Just physically releasing some of that pent up emotion helped. I didn’t take it out on my kids, and I didn’t take it out on myself. After the “outburst” I was able to formulate in my mind that I was just holding too much in!
Learning how to say to our family members: “This is making me angry” is healthy; so is finding ways to blow off steam and take care of our angry feelings on our own. It is not someone else’s responsibility to appease our anger and it is definitely not that our children “make” us angry. We might get angry, and there is nothing wrong with that–but learning how to let go of that anger and express it is key to being able to move on, not get stuck, and be available as a parent.
Also: Let Go of Your Anger
Dealing with Children’s Emotion
What Do You Do With Anger and Frustration?