If I was to sit down with a dozen parents and start up a conversation about the things that our kids do that really drive us batty—I would be willing to bet that whining and complaining would be towards the top of the list (the list of parental complaints, of course!). However, like most things in life, I think one child’s complaining can be another’s way of expressing him or herself. Somehow, as parents, we might be able to help our children reach a balance and learn how to express themselves—without coming across as being a whiner or a complainer.
Really, don’t we want our children to be in touch with their own wants, emotions, and desires and be able to express those to the people around them? The days of assuming that stoic silence or suffering silently and denying one’s own desires is healthy and reasonable behavior are pretty much past. So, we do want our kids do be able to say what they want and share how they are feeling—BUT, we want them to learn how to do it without constantly whining and complaining.
I have to say, that part of the problem is in how we parents are “taking” what is being said. If we can appreciate that our children are simply expressing themselves without taking it on as complaining, that can help. Plus, we can help our children learn how to “own” their emotions and desires as in: “I’m feeling hungry for something salty” instead of “there’s nothing to eat!” By using some active listening and saying things back to our children, we can nip some complaining in the bud. For example, a child complains that he is bored, there is nothing to do and life is so dull. Mom or Dad might want to say something like what our parents said to us: “I’ll give you something to do” or “Why don’t you clean you room, clean the garage, go outside, etc.” Instead, we could say something like, “I hear you saying you are bored, that must be really un-fun. I’m sorry you feel that way. What do you think you might do about it?”
Not letting ourselves get triggered by the complaining is one part of the solution. If our kids can’t get a big reaction out of us, they will find another way of communicating. But, helping our kids learn how to express themselves without lapsing into negativity, whining, and complaining is another part of the solution.
See Also: Are You Doing Too Much Whining?
How To Make Your Child Whine-Free