We have talked about loneliness now and again here in the Single Parent’s blog. I realize that there are some of us who wrestle with this issue a lot while others of us have either moved past it, or it has never really been an issue for us. Regardless, loneliness can be an issue for a single parent and for many of us, we first have to face our fears—mostly our fear of being and staying alone.
My relationship with loneliness has been fairly common—I found that I was much lonelier when I was married or partnered than I ever have been on my own. There were a few months in the beginning of my single parenthood, however, when I had to face some of those fears—the fear of not being able to financially support my kids, the fear that I might not ever find someone to love or who could genuinely love me, the fear of growing old on my own. Once I really looked down deep into these fears, however, and identified where they were coming from and what they actually meant to me—then I was able to start to develop the coping strategies to move past them.
I do not believe that our fears go away when we ignore them or try to push them aside; they demand that we pay attention to them and work “into” them before we are able to expose them, heal and move on. For many single parents—especially if you have not spent much time living on your own—the fear of being alone can be a really big obstacle.
Years have passed for me since I was first “on my own” and when I realized that I never really am alone—with my children, friends, family, etc. there is always a relationship in my life that needs tending to, and I started to learn how much I truly enjoyed my own company—things started to shift. I started to count my blessings and appreciate how wonderful it was to have a bedroom all to myself for the first time in my life (we’re talking three decades of room sharing!) I learned how great it is to eat when I am hungry and manage my own finances. The more self-esteem I was able to grow, the happier I became in my life, the less those fears even showed their ugly faces. If we are going to move past the fear of being alone, we first have to face it.
Also: Overcoming Loneliness
Loneliness is Normal, But Not Necessary