For single parents, how many times do we hear of “failed relationships” or “failed marriages” or even “failed families?” Hearing that we have contributed to or are a part of something that the rest of the world views as a failure can be a tough pill to swallow. In fact, it can be hard to hear all this talk of failure and not feel like a failure ourselves. I would like to propose a different way of looking at things, however. I think that failure is a state of mind and we DO NOT have to give in to that way of thinking.
A relationship that ends or changes does not have to be one that has failed. Perhaps it had a purpose that was brief or circumstantial. Chances are, when you look back at your marriage(s) or relationships, there were plenty of lessons you learned and it may have very well served a purpose regardless of how long it lasted. Who is to say, then, that it was a waste of time or a failed effort?
I do not think it is good for our children to hear that the relationship that brought them into the world was a failure either! Whether you were married to your child’s other parent or not, why tell (or let other people tell) the child that the relationship was wrong, a failure or a waste of time? I feel forever grateful for the relationship that created my children, as well as all the lessons I learned in my marriage and how can I view that as a failure?
As single parents, we do not have to take on all that talk and identification as failure if we don’t want to. It does not really do us any good and can keep us in a place of low self-esteem or re-living all the things we think we did wrong (or others tell us we did wrong.) Instead, we can bless the relationship or marriage for what it actually was and embrace all that has brought us to the point we are at today.
See Also: Why Some Relationships Fail