I’ve been wondering and I’ve come to the conclusion that like so many other things in life, our mental health often represents our upbringing. I look at one side of my family. At my grandmother’s level of the family tree there were ten siblings. They were raised in a strong Catholic family, learned to help take care of one another (with ten of them, what more could you do), rely on one another, and be open and honest. Family was the focus of their lives. They had twelve people in a three bedroom house, so there was no choice but to get along.
I look at the offspring from this group of people (and there are literally over a hundred of us). Our family reunions are a filled with hugs and kisses, toasts and good wishes. There is laughter and tears and always someone willing to lend a hand. The majority of us are well adjusted, successful people with strong family ties.
Then I look at the other side of my family (whom I love just as dearly). My grandmother was in an abusive relationship and my grandfather was an alcoholic. On payday, he would head straight to the bar, and if she wasn’t there waiting for him, all the money would be gone by the time he made it home that night. She had four kids to feed and the stress levels were high.
Now looking at the offspring from this branch of my family tree, there are a lot of differences. There are higher divorce rates. More health problems. Way more mental health issues (I’m guessing at my generation and one level above, well over fifty percent of us are on antidepressants). And family functions sometimes (not always) have tears, but not the joyful kind. As a whole, we don’t get always get along, and there is often times yelling. There are hurt feelings. There are sometimes spiteful comments. There are relationships, specifically among siblings, where people haven’t talked in years, unwilling to forgive one another for some rude comment or action.
And although I love all of my family just the same, it makes me wonder, as I sit back and watch, how could they be so different? And as I watch my children grow up around these people, the thought crosses my mind of who do I want them to take after? Of course I pray for well adjusted, successful children. I want them to be happy and healthy. I want them to love the life they were given. But to have this, do I need to be aware of the family surrounding them?