We always used family meetings to work out “stuff”—from planning a trip or vacation, to redistributing chores, to even talking through “issues” that were going on in the family. Sometimes, our family meetings were efficient and effect ways of staying in touch and getting things accomplished, other times they ended up more like group therapy sessions.
I do not see anything wrong with family meetings ending up as group therapy sessions—as long as they are loving and functional meetings regardless. Where things go wrong is when one person gets “ganged up” on or when meetings are called for one purpose and then they get “hijacked” and become unproductive. I think of family meetings just as I do other types of meetings—work, committee, etc.—it is important to have an agenda and a plan and keep things on track. It is also important that everyone has a chance to participate. If a parent calls a family meeting and uses it as a time to lecture, not allowing for discussion or feedback, it really is not a meeting, but a lecture.
Often, there are some family members who are more meeting-savvy than others and can easily manipulate and “hijack” the meeting for their own purposes. It is up to the facilitating parent to keep things fair and on track and make sure the meeting doesn’t go on and on past the point of productivity.
I found over the years that the most important element was to make sure that there was resolution after a family meeting—even if we were just planning a trip, it was important that everyone reach consensus and agreement and leave the meeting with a clear understanding of the family plan. In those meetings where we were attempting to work through heavy stuff, disagreements, or major life changes—it was important to stick with it and work through to a place where we could feel some resolution and connection as a family. In our family, leaving things tense and unresolved only made things worse.
Also: The Family Meeting
How Often Should You Hold Family Meetings?
In Appreciation of Family Meetings