Strong family bonds and support are foundational to our children’s growth and overall health. Many people do not grow up in a family that offers positive support. This can be very damaging and have long-term detrimental effects on generations of people. Yes, it is that serious! So what exactly does a person do to help build a strong family support system?
First, it takes more than one adult to give this kind of high-level family support. Do not let that be a crushing blow to you because you are a single parent-even if you are the full time custodial parent and the other biological parent is nowhere to be found. When talking about family, I am not using the traditional dual-parent, nuclear family type of definition. I now understand family to be people of important influence that you decide to let in to your personal lives. These people could be aunts or uncles, other extended family members, trustworthy neighbors, or colleagues, or even your child’s teachers. Whoever it might be let these other adults help you to form strong family support.
Ok, so what do adults do to encourage strong family support? With infants, smile often at them, and talk in a soothing voice. Hold babies during feedings whenever possible. Toddlers need lots of encouragement and since they are learning at light speed during this time, you can easily encourage their new abilities, such as hopping on one foot, or using the potty seat. Try to say yes more than you have to say no at this stage, but don’t be afraid to set healthy boundaries by saying no. A seasoned parent told me years ago that a good genral rule to follow is that it is good to say “yes” ten times for every “no” I had to say to my toddlers. She thought it helped them not get too frustrated with their new abilities and my sometimes conflicting desire to protect them from potential harm.
Elementary age children love attention for their grades and school activities. Ask other adults to attend the spring concert, or soccer game with you so that your children will experience the heartwarming feeling that others care for them and hear the praise of other adults. Respect their opinions even if they differ from your own. Spend time with your school age child doing things he or she really likes to do. Reading to and with babies through elementary aged children is a wonderful way to explore different worlds and spend quality time together.
Teenagers still need to know that you love them and that they are important to you and other adults. Show them you love them through your respect of them and their belongings, time, and friends. When you need to correct them, try saying something like “I love you, but I do not like your behavior.” Talk to your teens. Initiate conversations even if the only response you get is a grunt or eye rolling sigh. Remember that your teenager is not an adult yet. He or she still needs your loving guidance.