There seems to be some confusion about when, exactly, fatherhood and motherhood begin and with Father’s Day rapidly approaching this topic needs to be addressed. This doesn’t seem to be so confusing for my wife and I because we consider ourselves parents already. My wife’s motherhood is quite obvious as the changes that her body has undergone so far outweigh any notion that she is not already caring and sacrificing for her child: Morning sickness, stretch marks, packing away that favorite pair of jeans and those form fitting tops for donated or used maternity clothes.
Fatherhood seems to be a bit more confusing. Logically we could say that if the mother is a mother then the father is obviously a father. How does one define fatherhood though? How can a father care for his child while the mother sacrifices visibly for their child? The answer is less obvious and less visible but there are certainly many ways I have experienced lately.
One of the ways I am personally confident that I am a father and that fatherhood has begun is the newfound familial motivation driving many of my actions. I’ve found additional employment, I’m working very hard to find and apply for scholarships, I’m doing significant amounts of my schoolwork early (even months early!) in order to prepare for spending time with my wife and our child.
We’ve even moved to gain some additional room for the baby. I hate moving! All of this is for a child who is still in the womb! And yet, that child has already affected my life in positive ways. I’m more productive, more goal oriented, more focused, and certainly more happy. These are not small changes. My wife and I have started eating breakfast together and taking daily walks.
These small actions are for and because of our child. Our sacrifices will certainly increase but they are there and we are parents.
Fatherhood and motherhood are more than simply biological terms occurring only after the birth of the child. Even the decision to have children is itself an act of parenthood because it is a sacrificial decision of two people to provide for a new person they don’t even know. As that child grows preparations are made, bills are paid, and positive changes are displayed in the family.
Feel free to recommend father’s day gifts for new dads with children in the womb in the comments below. I’m thinking a guitar might be a good gift… I’m (halfway) joking.