The holidays are a stressful time and even the happiest of couples is likely to have a disagreement or even a downright fight over something. It’s okay to spar or fight with your spouse, the happiest and healthiest of couples are not couples who never fight – they are the couples who fight in a healthy manner and don’t avoid conflict for conflicts sake.
What Makes a Conflict Healthy?
The words healthy and conflict seem contrary in meaning, but the truth is – conflict can help a couple’s relationship grow. The conflict we have with our environment and with others spurs growth in us. Yes, conflict can be unhealthy if we allow it to become destructive – but conflict can be constructive too.
So as you head into this holiday season and the inevitable butting of heads and disagreements likely to arise with your spouse or family members, here are a few key tips to keep in mind in order to preserve the healthy conflict and not let it get out of control.
- Keep it calm and level, as much as you may feel like ranting and raving, it accomplishes nothing for you or your spouse
- Stay clear on what it is you are disagreeing about – don’t let it wander to old insults or injuries
- You know the little things that will set off your spouse, refrain from jabbing at those sore spots
- When you’re too angry to be reasonable, be reasonable enough to table the disagreement for a time when the two of you can hash it out without screaming or yelling
- Practice active listening and don’t interrupt each other – it’s important that you hear what your spouse is saying and they hear you too
- Disagreements can be healthy for your marriage if your goal is to make your marriage better and not to win the fight
How do you and your spouse keep your conflicts healthy?
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