Sometimes, timing is everything. While I’ve written before about how to behave like “business partners” with your child’s other parent, and some ideas for how to get your mind right for negotiations, I also think that it takes some skill to determine when is the best time to broach certain subjects and discuss everything from parenting time to school field trips.
Part of the problem with getting the timing right is that we may consciously or sub-consciously get the timing WRONG–if we are still locked in arguments, battles, or power struggles with our child’s other parent, we may be purposefully picking times when we know the other parent will be most likely to engage with us. Instead of using our knowledge of the other person to pick times to send e-mails or make phone calls when we think they will be in a pleasant and open-minded frame of mind, we might be doing just the opposite. Some parents want to make the other look bad in front of the child, or need to stay engaged in an antagonistic way because that is what they are used to.
You can, however, use timing to break out of these habitual interactions and get to a more congenial place. Think about it–is there a time of the month that is best for both of you (after pay days, for example) or are you more receptive on weekends, at the beginning or end of the week or in the mornings? Thinking of it as you would a negotiation with your boss or a key coworker–when would be the best time of day for an important discussion? The best day of the week?
Our children deserve for us to find a way to work productively with the other parent and a while optimally we should be able to discuss parenting topics and make joint decisions at any time, this isn’t the reality for many divorced and separated parents. Finding the right time for discussions and decisions can make a big difference in productivity and outcome.