Finances and marriage are always a tough combination. There never seems to be enough money and sometimes, there can be too much. Both can be a potent one-two punch to a marriage’s balance and tranquility.
Married to the Money
Financially, my marriage has been in both boats. In the early years of our relationship, we always had excess cash. It sounds great and at times, it was great. But whenever we had difficulties in the relationship, we used money to repair problems. We’d buy presents or go do something extravagant. Retail therapy was a great panacea for all ills. What we didn’t do was address the problem with each other and resolve it. So, of course, those problems would creep up on us again and again and once more, we’d use the money to fix the symptoms, but not the actual problems.
Married to the Debt
Over the years, our working situations changed, we made some good decisions and some bad. We also became parents. Little by little, our excess capital drained away. Suddenly, we had mounting debt and no surefire way to pay it off. Now, we were suddenly dealing with two different kinds of problems: the financial kind and the relationship kind.
When we argued or disagreed, we couldn’t just go buy something to fix it – we had to confront each other and the issues and cope with them. This was probably one of the most deeply troubling times in our marriage. Because after our years of practiced avoidance, confronting our problems seemed like an insurmountable task.
We did it – but only because the one skill we’d maintained no matter how much money we had was the ability to talk to each other. Sometimes it would take days and days and days of talking to get the issues out there and to find a way to deal with them, but we did it. Money can still be a noose-tightening threat on the marriage, but we’ve both found that even with the finances we need to talk. We need to know what the other is doing, where their head is and how they are handling it. It’s the only way for us to make it happen for us.
Financial Goals
Our money blog offers some fantastic ideas and tips for how to make financial decisions, but as far as your marriage goes – don’t ever shut the door on talking about it and don’t think that just having more money would fix what’s wrong with the marriage. The only thing that can fix that are the two people in the marriage – not what’s in your wallet.
Do you think it’s easier to resolve your problems with money or without?