It is no secret that one of the foundations of good parenting is communication. We have to be able to talk to our children and understand them (as well as have them understand us) in order to have any influence over them at all. It may seem as though the parent who talks the loudest and the longest would have the advantage, but being able to listen is equally important. In fact, achieving a balance between talking and listening is a good rule of thumb for any communication challenge or relationship.
Listening is not just about saying “Uh huh” at the appropriate moments, or nodding our heads or even simply using the active listening “tricks.” We have to genuinely listen to what our children are saying to us—they will give us all sorts of subtle and not-so-subtle clues about their needs, personalities, problems, and dreams. We also need to listen to ourselves—when was the last time you actually took the time to pay attention to what you were saying to your child? What language did you use? How was your body language? Were you empathizing and actually communicating or were you lecturing to a blank wall?
Think of communicating with your child as being a total give and take between listening and talking; it is a conversation after all and that means that both parties need to be able to express themselves and hear what the other party has to say. Of course, we cannot expect a young child to be an equal communicating partner—we need to be willing to do more of the listening and more of the communicating—but this requires that we be open to really and truly listening, as well as being able to speak and tell our child what needs to be said.