My son is fifteen—not the easiest of ages for a teenage boy and certainly not the easiest of times for a single mom. Where we used to go to lunch and movies together and be able to sit side-by-side on the couch, there is now misunderstandings and distance. I notice that we both still try to talk to each other but we don’t always connect like we used to. Mostly, I am learning that finding things we can do together helps take the pressure off and gives us a way to connect without too much closeness.
As the “baby,” my son has had more time with me than either of my other two children. BUT, he is also the only boy in a houseful of girls and has been very vocal about the fact that he does not think he gets enough time and interaction with his dad. He wants it and he craves it and I know that he acts out to try and get his dad’s attention. Unfortunately, he isn’t really getting more from his dad so I am feeling that I need to step up and do what I can to stay involved. I know that our situation is pretty common for single moms of teenage boys.
Cooking has become something we can do together; he wants to learn more about cooking and it gives us something to do together. We can also still play games together—I’m not sure why, but he will still play cards or cribbage with me—we can sit on opposite sides of the table, have a snack and play a game. He may not be eager to go out in public with me right now, but as long as I don’t appear to eager and can keep my gooey mom-ishness under control, my son does still want me to be involved as part of his life. I may not be a dad, and I may not be HIS dad, but I do think that if I keep finding things we can do together and stay connected as he moves through these tough teenage years, we will both be alright.
Also: There Doesn’t Have to Be a Problem with Cross-Gender Parenting