I know from experience that it is much easier to focus on the ways and things that two divorced parents DON’T agree on. After all, we didn’t get divorced because we were so incredibly compatible. As two households and two different parenting styles take shape after a separation or divorce, it can seem like there’s no way to find common ground. BUT, for the sake of the children, finding things that you can agree on, gives you and the other parent a place to build cooperation and compromise.
Instead of zeroing in on all the ways you and your children’s other parent don’t and can’t agree, try finding little morsels of values and family details where you can agree. It could be as simple as agreeing on what school your child will attend or whether or not he’ll play sports and/or take music lessons. This gives you at least some places where the two parents can present that “united front” experts say is so important. While you may not agree on bedtimes or diet or what type of clothes are appropriate, you can at lease say, “Your dad and I agree that soccer is a great sport for you” and your child will hear some messages of unity.
In the beginning, or if finding places of agreement is a problem, it may help to actually write out a list of what you and your ex-spouse/co-parent DO and DON’T agree on. This will give you a “cheat sheet” when you need to focus on the ways you are on the same page, and the exercise may help you to move out of feeling like the two of you are on two different planets. While perfection doesn’t need to be the goal, the more things you can find where you and your child’s other parent can agree, the more you’ll likely be able to let go of some of the animosity and work together as parenting partners.
See Also: Thinking of the Other Parent as a Business Partner and When a Divorced Mom and Dad Don’t Agree on Parenting Issues