In the bustle and bumpiness of everyday family life—we parents may find ourselves so busy barking orders and taking care of the organizational aspects of running a household and raising a family that we don’t take the time to say positive, sweet things to our kids. I think it gets tougher, too, as the kids get older—they just don’t seem to invite those same affectionate statements from the earlier years, and goodness knows, they don’t come looking for snuggles!
I can feel it when I’m not having very many pleasant interactions with my kids. I start to feel down and drudgy and as sick of hearing my own voice as I’m sure they are. Now that they are teenagers, I don’t really have them to remind me. Little ones tend to call out “I love you” or other tender declarations even when mom is at her grumpiest. The older ones don’t really say anything pleasant even if I’ve been pouring on the positive strokes for days!
All the more reason for me to find the time to say sweet things—compliment them on their hair or the fact that they rinsed their dishes and put them in the dishwasher. I have to overlook the grunts and pauses and dig deep in my parenting bag of communication tricks to keep the positive comments flowing. It seems to get harder and harder to carve out and find those opportune moments, so it’s up to me as the parent to make them and find them.
Sweet things don’t have to be drippingly sweet or fakingly syrupy –in fact, with older kids, they see right through that stuff anyway. But a “nice job on your project” or “I sure am proud that you’re my daughter” can go a long way in maintaining connection and balancing out all the times we find ourselves providing direction and discipline for our kids.