Chances are, it can feel like your family is constantly heading in a dozen different directions. Once children get mobile and since most of us single parents have to work and take care of things outside the house too, it can seem like the forces of nature are working to keep us separated, not bring us together. When it comes to building a family (and that is how I think of it instead of just “having” a family), we have to put extra focus into ways to minimize the separation and maximize the connections.
Connection does not have to mean that we are always sitting in the same room at the same time. Any single parent knows what a challenge it can be to make this happen on a regular and continuous basis! But, we can stay connected with our children even when we are at work, on a business trip, or they are at school or at the other parent’s house. Even if the forces seem to be working against us, we can build connections.
Notes, phone calls, e-mails, and instant messages can help—but so can building strong memories and connections when you ARE together. One of my daughters confessed that when she was younger, she couldn’t help but think of what I would say about things that were going on in her day. She said that she felt I was there even when I wasn’t and she would try to commit things to memory because she knew we would be talking about it when she got home. Ask your children about their lives and create an open communication style that invites them to keep you in the loop. I used to ask my children questions like “What was the weirdest thing that happened to you today?” or “What do you wish you could do over if you had the chance?” instead of the ordinary “How was your day?” Now they ask me those questions too.
By finding ways to focus on whatever ways your family can connect, you can combat those forces that seem to be creating separation. It doesn’t just happen naturally, we have to work to build a connected family.