I have a dear friend who has struggled through an abusive marriage. After finding the courage to separate from him she found herself pregnant with twins and went back in hopes of keeping her family together, despite her controlling husband. As I watched her struggling to keep things together I couldn’t help but think of my own separation experience. I remembered that desperation to keep my family together, I can only imagine if I had found myself pregnant in the midst of that. It brings on a whole new set of trials.
In the beginning I would have taken him back in a heartbeat. I was terrified of what lay ahead for me and if I had had the opportunity to make it all go away I would have taken it, even though logically I knew it wouldn’t fix everything. Thankfully by the time he had realized what he had lost, I was strong enough to know that I wanted more. I had to find the strength within myself to do what was best for me and my son. Deep down I knew that if I had gone back that we would end up in the same place down the road and I couldn’t do that to Logan again. Going through a divorce once was bad enough, to put him through it again, would have been devastating. I wasn’t willing to go back and forth. If it had been just me, perhaps the story would have been different, but I had to be strong for my son.
My friend is again separated from her children’s father, and is struggling with that urge to go back. I wish more than anything that I could give her some of that strength I gained from my divorce. I would never wish divorce on anyone, especially when there are children involved, but there are times when it is the best decision. You can’t make someone change; ultimately they will always have their agency. You have to do what is best for you and your children, and unfortunately that isn’t always easy. Remember, the beginning is always the hardest. Once you give yourself some time to start the healing process, things will get easier. It is natural for you to grieve the loss of what should have been, but believe it or not, there are worse things than being a single parent. Don’t give in to the fear. Surround yourself with a good support system and start picking up the pieces and building your life again. It isn’t easy, but in the long run you will find that you are stronger than you think you are.