We went to our very first match meeting on Friday. This was for match #2. We met with the adoption recruiter, along with the child’s case worker and guardian. We also heard briefly from the girl’s current foster mom, who called in for the meeting.
I have to admit, I am really hopeful. I just love this girl already, and I think it’s because she is a lot like me. She has been through a lot, she has trust issues, she is scared to get close to anyone, and all that is understandable. But, she is also motivated and determined, she has an idea of what she wants to do with her life, and she wants to work with children, specifically children who are in the foster care system.
Tom is concerned about a couple of things, but nothing that we can’t deal with. He is concerned about the fact that this girl has been known to make threats against her foster parents and other children in the home. She has been removed from homes for this reason. Tom isn’t worried so much about her following through on a threat… he’s more worried about how our children will respond to being threatened, should that happen.
This doesn’t worry me as much as you might think… we can discuss this possibility with our children ahead of time and ask them how they feel about it. This girl has never followed through on a threat, she always feels horribly guilty the next day, and overall she is described by everyone as a sweet girl who just has a hard time getting close to people. Her threats are only an attempt to push people away when they get too close, and given what she has been through, I would expect that type of behavior.
Sometimes your every day teenager who hasn’t been through such turmoil behaves that way…
Honestly, I would expect that sort of behavior from just about any child we adopt from foster care. They have all been through so much, and they will all act out in an attempt to push people away. When you have been let down so many times, trust takes serious work. We can, and will, commit to such work.
There is another family being considered, though. They made it a point to tell us that we should never take it personally if we are not chosen, that the goal is to find the right family for a child, not the other way around. We know all of that, of course. I don’t think I would take it personally, but I have to say that I would be disappointed if they chose the other family. I really think she is a great match for us, and I’m so hopeful that we will be given the opportunity to bring this child into our family.