I feel like an old hat at this divorced woman/single mom thing, I’ve been doing it for long enough that my daughter is an adult now. Looking back there are so many things I wish I had done differently, not with my daughter, with the relationship with my ex husband.
Most of us are single parents because it becomes our only option. Although many people choose to become parents without partners, for most of us the decision was thrust upon us.
When you are in the middle of a divorce and your heart is breaking and you have no idea what you are going to say to the kids, let alone how you are going to take care of them, it’s easy to overlook things that will become very important later.
The following things are important for all single parents but if you are about to become divorced paying close attention to these things now will make life much easier later.
*Make sure you understand your ex spouses financial status. This is not so you can take him/her to the cleaners, this is so you can make sure that your ex spouse does his/her fair share in supporting your children.
*Get clear immediately what the legal and financial responsibilities of both parents are. Get it in writing and do it as soon as possible. Do not assume that your ex will support his children, a divorce can change everything, get it writing as part of your divorce agreement.
*Determine custody and visitation. No one says you have to stick to the letter of the law but it is much nicer to have everything in writing in case there is an issue. Please do not use this against your ex spouse. If the agreement is every other weekend and one week night but he would like to see them two or three nights a week, do your best to work it out. Remember to be grateful that your children have a parent who wants to spend time with them.
*Separate from your ex husband, immediately start building your support system, people who will listen while you vent, take the kids if you need a break, or just hold your hand when you feel like you are doing it all wrong.
A little work in the beginning will make things run smoother for you, your children and your ex husband. Divorce doesn’t have to be bitter but you do need to take care of yourself.