The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
The advantage of exercising everyday is that you die healthier.
Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate her with four or five cupcakes.
Chocolate is a vegetable. How, you ask? Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
Did you ever see the customers in a health-food store? They are pale, skinny people who look half dead. In a steak house you see robust, ruddy people. They’re dying of course but they look terrific.
The Garlic Diet: You don’t lose weight, you just look thinner from a distance.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes!
The only exercise I get is jumping to conclusions.
My gym teacher told me to touch my toes. I said, “I don’t have that kind of relationship with my feet. Can I just wave?”
I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
A Token Blonde Joke:
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds. “Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.
“No, from skipping.”
Take this as a healthy warning for people to really follow instructions instead of only hearing the part they want to hear.
That’s it for me this week folks, have a fantastic weekend and we’ll see you all back on Monday. Have a Happy St. Patrick’s Day and remember – exercise and fitness are good for you – always begin in moderation and stick with it.