This morning, I was driving my husband to work because there is a chance for heavy thunderstorms and since he rides a motorcycle most days, we’d rather he didn’t get drenched in a downpour. As we drove along in the car, we talked about September 11th and how we both cope with the memories of what happened today.
He remembers that it was a day of sadness and he tries not to focus on the profound sense of loss. In his own way, he recognizes that the grief could be paralyzing and he’d rather be numb to it. Whereas I am consciously sitting here trying not to cry because I hear a song, a turn of phrase or even just a sound outside – like a plane passing overhead and I can’t help but remember.
How We Cope With Grief
How couples cope with grief and memory can be very different. What is important for both parties is to respect what the other is going through. He doesn’t want me to tear myself up, but at the same time – he understands that whether I am watching the memorials on television, listening to them on the radio or writing about them here – I am going to be thinking about them.
I understand that just because he is not waxing poetic about his memories or his feelings doesn’t mean he doesn’t have them. He deals with grief and loss differently than I do, but it does not make him ‘wrong’ or his methods ‘bad.’ It just makes him who he is.
Together We Stand
It’s important to stand together as a couple, as a family, as a community and as a nation. We can help each other and here are some tips to help you and your spouse cope with your grief and memories today:
- Remember, you’re both different and there’s no right or wrong way to cope with loss
- Make time to be together, both to share your feelings and talk about the future
- Help and encourage each other to keep as many routines going as possible
- Create opportunities to do things together
- Take time for yourselves
- Allow yourselves to be upset or angry together
- Be demonstrative in your affection for each other with hugs and more
How do you and your spouse help each other to cope?
Related Articles:
Five Years Later: Let Us Take a Moment
Where were you when the world stopped turning?
Five Years Later: The Aftermath
Education: A-Z: R for Remembering 9/11 in the Classroom
Where were you on Septemeber 11, 2001?
September 11: In Honor of the Fallen and Those Who Defend Us
Fitness Thoughts & More for September