The adoption process, although cumbersome, at least has some set steps to it. We can become totally focused on getting through the process. Perhaps because many adoptive parents have had difficulty in having a child, we may focus more on how to become parents than on how to be parents.
“I figured we should take as many classes on parenting as we did on becoming a parent.”
This sentence was spoken to me by my best friend while we were both expecting our first child. She said we should spend as much time learning about child care as we did in learning about Lamaze breathing techniques.
She had a point. Not necessarily that we need formal classes. If you have family and friends to draw upon, great. If not, spend some time around people with kids. Make sure you are not romanticizing parenthood.
My own experience teaching Sunday School may be illustrative. At one point I went to many workshops on working with kids of a certain age group. I designed curricula, read about different philosophies of education, etc. After a while I realized that I was passionate about the program, but less than enthused about my actual time in the classroom. I realized I would be good on the committee overseeing the program for that age group, or good at teaching a classroom of children of a different age, but I wasn’t called to teach that age group, at least at that time.
Don’t let compassion for children, love of education and children’s issues, or liking certain things about children blind you to the realities of parenthood. This child or children will be the focus of your life from now on.
I’m not trying to persuade anyone against adoption. In fact, I often try to persuade people to adopt. But I don’t want anyone to adopt for the wrong reasons. There are other ways to help children, such as sponsorship, volunteering (both in schools and programs in the U.S. and in orphanages and communities abroad).
I would encourage anyone going through the adoption process to read the Parents Blog and Parenting Forums here at Families.com as well as the adoption blog. Know what you’re getting into—and welcome!
For many of us, parenting really is “the toughest job you’ll ever love”.
Please see this related blog:
Getting a Baby vs. Parenting a Child