When my first daughter was born weighing over ten pounds, I decided then and there that I was not going to carry over the food, weight and body image issues that I had grown up with. I was determined to do whatever I possibly could to make sure that food was not an issue for my kids. Now with two teenage girls (and a teenage son), I can share that even with an adamantly committed mom doing everything she could to encourage a healthy appreciation of food, normal (and variable) body types, and not giving in to societal stereotypes—it has been a long, hard road and I was not completely prepared for the constant combat with outside forces—both seen and unseen.
I started out banning Barbies and sexist toys until I thought my kids were old enough to have absorbed enough of a non-sexist value system around women. Even so, eventually, the Barbies took up residence in our house. Of course, my second daughter used to cut all their hair quite short because she found all that long hair to be a big bother—but the unrealistic dolls—with all their tiny shoes and ball gowns–infiltrated our lives nonetheless.
Both of my girls played sports and did Girls Scouts and participated in all sorts of activities to help combat the message that society sent about what makes the “perfect girl.” I stood guard to head off any comments about weight or dieting or whether or not they “really needed to eat all that ice cream.” With my heightened awareness, I can tell you the assault comes from everywhere—not just television, movies and fashion magazines. Probably the most insidious and invasive attacks come from those who are the closest—dads, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, teachers—it isn’t the mass media message that makes it so tough to develop and keep a healthy attitude about food and body image for girls, it is those individuals in our lives who we have grown to love and trust and believe have our best interest at heart.
It was those “insiders” who broke through my mighty mom fortress and shared their own stereotypes, ideas about dieting, commented on how clothes looked or should look, who was and wasn’t beautiful, sharing their own lopsided and dangerous views (without even really knowing it) about what makes a lovable and beautiful girl or woman. Of course, that didn’t mean I gave up, it just meant I had to stay true and work harder. Even if my daughters might say “You have to say that, you’re my mom!” in response to my telling them they are beautiful, healthy, strong female creatures.
I see that we have done a lot of things right now that my girls are in their latter teens. But, I also see where the world has gotten in regardless of my best efforts. I still battle my own deep-seated demons of food and body image issues but raising kids has given me a healthy inspiration for sticking with the fight. Maybe by the time they become parents, their children will be affected even less…