Your mother-in-law made a nasty comment and your husband didn’t step in to say something. Or, he forgot to fix the garage door again. You are just so annoyed. So when your best friend calls, you are ready to vent. But when venting turns into story telling, you may be harming your marriage. Here is why.
We all tend to do it. You start out complaining about one thing, and before you know it, the story has evolved with details about every single way that your spouse needs to step up and change. Soon a long list of faults emerges that you share with your friends.
Why do we do this? Well, it can be natural to need an outlet to let out some frustration. And sharing “bad spouse” stories can be a bonding experience. Just think about how a friend may start to complain about her husband and the next thing you know, you are sharing bad husband stories yourself.
But all of this story telling can be bad for your marriage. First of all, it sends a lot of negative energy out in the world. Do you really want everyone to think that your marriage is so bad? You may basically be telling people that the two of your aren’t a team and shouldn’t be together. At least, that might be the impression that you are making. it also might make you forget all of the positive things about your spouse. Sure the garage door isn’t fixed, but didn’t he come home early and bring roses?
I also think that you owe it to your spouse to be in his corner. Out of everyone else in the world, you should be his champion (and he yours). Think of only good things to say about your spouse. You can sympathize when a friend dishes about her misery, but don’t be tempted to one up her with tales of your own. Leave the story telling for books.
Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here.
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