I have a feeling that 2012 will prove to be one of the toughest and most challenging years for me as a parent. Between some serious issues with my daughter (which I will share when the time is right) and my firstborn leaving for the military, it feels like this mommy heart can’t take much more.
It has been an emotional past few days as we learned early in the week that our son has his leave date set. He will be departing Tuesday, August 7th for basic training with the Air Force in Lackland, Texas (nearly 1,000 miles away from home, I should note.)
That gives us just over three more weeks with him. Although I knew this moment would arrive, it has still hit me really hard.
I will be honest; a lot of people consider me to be a strong person. For the most part, I think that’s true. But I’m sure not feeling very strong lately.
In fact…I feel like a mess.
I spent two days in my pajamas, have hardly slept, been trying to fight off migraines and have consumed way more ice cream than I should. I haven’t exercised, I skipped church because I didn’t want to deal with people and I have been walking around in a general funk.
I’m slowly pulling myself out because it doesn’t help my son. He is dealing with a lot of emotions, too. He is the one who is leaving the comforts of home and his family and friends. He is the one facing 8.5 weeks of grueling and challenging work.
So although I don’t feel strong, I know that I have to be strong for him. I guess it comes with the territory of being a mom. If we can’t be strong for ourselves, then we should be for our children.
I will pull myself up from this pit I am in and carry on. Then when he leaves, I will give myself permission to fall apart. I will allow myself to not be strong. Sometimes I think it’s just what you have to do.
Have you had moments when you forced yourself to be strong for your kids? But then have you given yourself permission in other moments to not be?
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