When we think of that great, ongoing life lesson with forgiveness, we may think of personal relationships with partners and spouses, friends, and family–but we don’t often think of our relationship with our young children. But, forgiveness IS an ongoing issue in parenting and one more place where we (both parents and children) get to wrestle with this difficult task…
The other day, I wrote about trust and how parents and children wrestle with trust issues in the growing up years–but I think that learning how to let go and forgive is such a big thing–and one where many families get stuck. I don’t know how many adults I’ve spoken with who still harbor resentments about things that happened with their own parents when they were growing up (or who are experiencing their parents’ lack of forgiveness). As we go through the day-to-day realities of raising children, we can probably benefit from reminding ourselves how to let go and forgive things our children might do and say.
For me, becoming a parent has been the biggest gift in terms of learning about unconditional love and forgiveness. Unlike in other relationships where I can walk away or get divorced or get a new job or friend, parenthood is forever. I’ve had to learn and re-learn how to get past those bumpy times and let go of the resentment in order to maintain a healthy connection with each of my children. Forgiveness is a huge part of that. If I didn’t forgive my children for some of the “biggies”–as well as forgive myself for some of my big mistakes, we would get stuck and be unable to grow and evolve in our parent-child relationships. I have to remind myself that my children are not defined by their naughty behavior or mistakes or difficult stages–just as I am not defined by my slips and stumbles as a parent. Learning how to let go and forgive is part of what makes it possible for me to stay connected and strongly bonded with my very human children!
See Also: The Healing Power of Love