It’s hard to forgive someone who continues to hurt you over and over again. It’s easy to get caught up in anger when you are suffering because of someone else’s decisions. The injustice of the situation makes forgiveness seem daunting. Why should you forgive someone who is continually hurting you without a second thought? I’ve found myself wrestling with this question time and time again. You may feel as if this person doesn’t deserve your forgiveness; that by forgiving them you are saying that what they did was ok. This is not what forgiveness is about.
While it may be true that the other person doesn’t deserve your forgiveness, the forgiveness process isn’t really about the other person. It’s about letting go of those feelings so that you can move on with your life, so that you don’t have to carry that burden around with you anymore. When you choose to carry it around with you, you are the only one that is affected by it. The other person will continue to live their life while you are weighed down and consumed by it. By holding on to those feelings you are giving them that much more control over your life.
Over the past year and a half since my divorce I have found myself feeling bitter with my ex. I was angry that I was suffering for choices that were completely out of my control. I wanted to be able to move past everything, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to forgive him yet. I’m still angry, but holding on to the resentment doesn’t change what happened. I’m ready to move forward. It doesn’t mean that what he did, or is continuing to do, is ok. It means that I am choosing to let it go for my sake, because life is too short to be spent being anything but happy.