Sibling rivalry and fighting among siblings can be the bane of a parent’s existence. Ask any family with more than one child and chances are sibling fighting and bickering will be a concern. Many of us choose to have more than one child so that our children will experience the closeness and bonding of a sibling (or two) and then we wonder why it seems like all they do is fight. Is there anything we can do as parents to encourage and foster a sense of closeness between siblings?
Age can make a difference in how close siblings are but I have seen siblings who are very close in age be good friends, and those who have several years between them be bonded as well. I think that the amount and quality of time that the children spend together is important, but I also think that allowing the children to bond on their own terms is key. Kids needs to learn how to communicate, interact, and understand each other without having mom or dad translate on an ongoing basis.
Give kids an opportunity to be close—activities together, sharing space, shared interests, but I also think that allowing for a completely separate identity and separate activities helps siblings to be closer. They don’t have to work so hard to prove that they are their own person. If they have a separate place in the family and feel loved and cherished for who they are, they are in a healthier place to form bonds with siblings.
Expect some jostling and fighting—this is normal. As a parent, you can avoid taking sides and labeling children and allowing them to feel like a little jockeying and squabbling is normal. I also think that we can model closeness and set an expectation for strong family bonds, but even if we are not close to our own siblings, we can create a family culture within our homes that fosters and encourages sibling bonds.