Most parents are familiar with the concept of using time out as a tool for disciplining their children. The concept is simple enough – when your child misbehaves, he or she is immediately asked to go to a predetermined location and sit there quietly for a specific amount of time. As simple as time out seems, sometimes even well meaning parents use this discipline tool in an ineffective way.
Since time out is a valuable tool for shaping behavior, here are some hints and tips for maximizing its effectiveness for your toddler:
1. Begin using time outs sooner, rather than later. When a child is
very young, discipline often takes the form of diverting his or her
attention away from doing things that he or she is not permitted to
do. For example, removing the sippy cup from her hand after she throws
it across the room. By about eighteen months of age, your toddler is
ready for you to add another step to the process. First, you divert
the toddler away from the problematic behavior and then you direct
them to the predetermined time out location.
2. Understand where the concept of time out came from. The original name
of time out was “time out from positive reinforcement”. No wonder that
it got shortened to simply “time out”. It is important to provide your
toddler with plenty of positive reinforcement while he or she is
behaving well. Your toddler will be able to feel a contrast between
the good feelings that the positive reinforcement gives him or her and
the not so good feeling of sitting in time out. This contrast is what
eventually helps toddlers to stop and think before choosing to engage
in behavior that they know will result in a time out. They do not like
how time out feels and they realize that by choosing not to engage in
the behavior, they can avoid the time out.
3. Use an actual timer. Since toddlers do not understand the concept of
time, telling them how long they will sit in time out means nothing to
them. By setting a timer and telling them that they are to sit quietly
until it goes off, both of you will be able to know when the time out
is over. It also leaves little room for argument – either the timer has
already gone off or it hasn’t.
4. Keep quiet yourself. Time out is more effective if you allow it to be
a time for reflection, rather than for instruction. If the misdeed was
minor and obvious, no further discussion is needed and once timeout is
over, it is over. More serious things do require discussion, but
discussions and explanations are more effective after everyone has had
a chance to cool down. After all, you do want your discipline
discussions to be heard by receptive ears.
Photo by duboix on morguefile.com.