In my pre-baby days I made a promise to myself that if and when I became a mother I would never, ever utter these four words. Because. I. Said. So. That was then, and this is now. It’s not that I say it a lot but I say it when necessary and I don’t feel guilty about doing so. Not like the first few times I uttered those words. And I know that some would argue that a child has a right to know why we make the decisions that we make and in most cases I offer an explanation. But there are times when I don’t feel I need to justify the decisions I make and that’s when I say, “because I said so.” Of course, it’s never an acceptable explanation to Tyler but that’s the way it is and I stand behind it. But sometimes you wonder as a parent if you’ve made the right decision. That’s why I was glad to read that at least one parenting expert agrees with me.
In his book, The New Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children, John Redmond talks about these four little words and how he also promised himself that he would never use them as a parent. He talks about how, as a child he hated those words. They made him mad in fact. When he became a parent he didn’t use them in the beginning and then one day they became a part of his “parenting vocabulary”.
He goes on to point out that although some people say this is not a valid reason for the decisions we make, sometimes it not only is the reason but the only reason why. For example, if your child questions why his friend goes to bed at 8:30 and he has to go at 8:00, the reason why is often because that’s what the parents want so it is acceptable to say “because I said so.” Of course, we often use phrases like, “that’s the way I want it”, but it all boils down to the same thing, “because I said so.” He makes a great point concerning the decisions we make as parents; no matter how carefully you phrase it, your child probably won’t agree with your reasoning anyway.
This does not mean that we should use these four little words as an explanation for all of our decisions, but if it fit’s the situation then it’s perfectly okay to say, “because I said so.”
What about you, is “because I said so” part of your parenting vocabulary?
See also:
Dealing With Behavior Problems in Public
Parenting Myths For Parents of Defiant Children
Do You Dance With Your Children