Many years ago, the popular sitcom Roseanne did an episode that comically dramatized the experience of Roseanne’s PMS on the rest of the Conner family: the mood swings from loving-to-angry-to-insecure, the selective memory, the wild outbursts of emotions.
Of course, I’m talking about Dan, who had the misfortune of having is thirty-ninth birthday on the same day as his wife’s PMS. The poor man was left blubbering; the next day Roseanne finds him moody and withdrawn, and wondering what’s got into him.
The episode was widely praised for bringing to light a topic that perhaps most others would rather not talk about, and despite doing so in a comic way, more than a few in the audience watched and said, “I can relate,” especially the husbands and fathers!
Here’s some advice and thoughts about how families might deal with PMS:
****Dad, remember: IT’S YOUR FAULT, BUT IT’S NOT YOU. What does that mean? Whatever your wife says when she’s in this state of mind, don’t take it personally. She might blame you for many things, like not buying the fabric softener sheets or leaving that tiny bit of milk in the fridge, or not centering the bologna on kids’ sandwiches (okay, that last one I made up), but it’s really not about you. It’s about how every little thing is irritating her.
**** NO YOU DON’T HAVE TO MOVE OUT. You might be able to swing a weekend away to your parents with the kids, but it’s probably not necessary. Just do what you can to give her some space.
***** Tranquilizing teas can help, but some of them don’t taste good. There are a number of herbal “PMS teas” on the market; my wife liked the Yogi brand “Woman’s Moon Cycle” tea. My advice is to brew a bag of such a tea with a flavor she likes.
*****Be wary of anything that remotely resembles trash. If it’s on the floor, it’s gone. If you have responsible children, have them clean up their toys as soon as you identify the warning signs. Remind them that anything that not put away properly is surely subject to the garbage pail at this time, if not a standard policy already. Be kind to the younger ones and help them. If your wife is like mine, and obsessively goes around cleaning up the house, throwing out useless junk and vigorously dusting, then a little anger is probably a small price to pay!
***** If you can catch her in an amorous mood, run with that! Get the kids over to Aunt Jackie’s right away and see if a little intimate time can release the tension. Such moments can be like wormholes in science fiction: you never know when they are going to disappear.
***** Lastly, DON’T LET HER USE THE PMS EXCUSE FOR SERIOUS MISTREATMENT. A hormone imbalance is not a license to yell and scream at the children or you and hurting anyone’s feelings. You can be tactful and polite, but don’t walk on eggshells. Most women are able to control their mood swings at the office; you deserve at least as much courtesy. If the problems are serious, maybe she should consult a doctor. Some women do suffer from abnormal hormonal imbalances that make PMS more severe.
I hope this brief guide helps you navigate the hormonal waters. Good luck.
PS: this post might not be here very long – maybe a month…?