Who knows of the possibilities of love when men and women share not only children, home and garden, not only the fulfillment of their biological roles, but the responsibilities and passions of the work that creates the human future and the full human knowledge of who they are? – Betty Friedan
What is a Marent?
A marent is what I call someone who is married and adjusting to parenthood and the lines between being married and being a parent are blurred to indistinct. Now let me begin by saying there is nothing wrong with there being something indistinct between the roles of marriage and parenthood – both are vital in our daily lives and for every new set of parents, there is a period of adjustment.
There is extra work in the day and fewer hours. Now before you think well Mom gets stuck with all of it because Dad is at work, remember that Dad gets to come home to all of this as well and most Dads take over when they get home from work which means their downtime is also limited. There is also the added weight of financial concern that dads and moms both carry during those first few weeks and afterwards.
So here are a few things to keep in mind as you make the transition from Marrieds to Marents:
- First things first, don’t just assume who is going to do what – talk about it. Discuss the responsibilities and the hours needed to care for your newly arrived child, discuss getting up with the baby, the needs of breastfeeding, who can take care of the laundry, the errands, the grocery store and look for equity that makes you both happy
- Keep in touch on all the changes, emotionally, physically, financially and mentally – you are going through
- Be Flexible – Especially in the first few months, you can make decisions one week and decide the next week that you both need to alter who does what or how something is going to be done – your baby is going to demand a lot of attention so be patient with your learning curve
- Make Time For Yourselves – As much as sitting around and staring at your baby all the time is wonderful and sharing each new experience is beautiful – you still need time to be intimate and close with each other – even if all you do is go out for a cup of coffee and steal an hour to yourselves – take the time for it
What advice can you offer to marents-to-be?
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