In When Death Does You Part, Then What?, I wrote about the funeral arrangements disagreement Wayne and I’d had. Somehow I got to discussing this with one of my volleyball cohorts the other night.
“But what if you die before Wayne and he remarries? What if his current wife wants to be buried next to him? Or what if it’s vice versa and your new husband wants to be cremated and mixed in with your remains and spread somewhere?”
Now there’s an interesting question.
It’s hard for me to imagine being remarried. It’s even more difficult to think of Wayne with someone else. It’s hard enough for Wayne and I to talk matters of death and dying when it comes to each other, but to bring in imaginary third parties? It’s very uncomfortable. (Not to mention morbid, but many people are telling me that it’s natural given the experience I just went through with my mother.)
I decided to ask Wayne what he would do. I sort of caught him off-guard –and in one of his wild moods. His answer reflected that (as well as his accountant disposition).
“It would depend on how long we’d been together, I guess. I’d have my remains divvied up between you two based on percentage of time I’d spent with each of you. But since you’re my first wife you get first dibs. You better speak up now and pick which part of me you want.”
Macabre as his answer was, it made me laugh. But then I wanted a serious answer.
“I guess I can’t really say until I’m faced with the situation, which I hope I never am, but I’d have to say I’d probably be buried with you still. You were my first love. Even though I might marry again, she’s not going to replace that.”
That was a very nice answer, but I still pressed on. I wanted to know what he’d expect me to do.
“It’s probably completely selfish, but I’d hope you’d still be laid to rest with me. But it’s hard to say what we’d do because we would have another person’s feelings to consider.”
I know it’s a weird question. And a hard one to answer hypothetically. It’d be worse in reality. That’s why I hope I never have to.
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