When I first became religious, some members of my family thought I had joined some kind of cult. Here I was, a free-thinking, Bohemian type who was proud of rejecting the trappings of a conventional lifestyle, including an office job, because I didn’t want to be “fenced in.” After all of this talk of “doing my thing” I had seemed, almost overnight, to consign myself to a lifestyle that involved, among other things, not turning on a light switch on Saturdays, avoiding dairy for six hours after eating meat, wearing clothing to cover my elbows and wrists. What happened to my “free-thinking” ways? Was I still “doing my own thing”? Or had I become reactionary?
Certainly, discovering Torah meant that I wasn’t interested anymore in “doing my own thing” but I was still “doing my thing” in a broader sense. It is said that every Jew is a letter in the sefer Torah, and following the laws of the Torah is truly connecting with our essence, our true being. How? The Alter Rebbe in the seminal work of Kabbala, the Tanya, writes that every Jew is actually a part of G-d. Our souls are connected to the Ultimate Reality, G-d himself, and this reality is expressed in the Torah. By following the commandments, we are intimately bound up with G-d.
This is why we don’t have to sell our homes, live on juniper berries, take vows of silence and sit in caves to become holy. A Jew who follows the Torah can continue to live in the real world, whether that “real world” involves day trading or writing sonnets. The idea of living a Torah live is to infuse our existence with G-dliness, to observe Torah and to concentrate on the ultimate purpose of our lives; to make our world a dwelling place for holiness. Bittul means leaving behind our egos and own purposes while living our lives, using our personalities, talents and gifts to realize holiness in this world. If I work for my prestige, my ideal vacation and my feeling of self-worth, I am “doing my own thing” but I am a slave. If I work to feed my family, give charity and entertain guests for the holidays, then I am free. This is the concept of bittul; to live in the world while nullifying one’s ego.