It can be hard to get along with an ex. Clearly you struggled with this while you were married or you wouldn’t be in this situation, but now the tension is even greater. Emotions are high on both sides in the divorce. You both love your children and want to be with them and because of those deep feelings you don’t always think rationally about them. You don’t have to be best friends, but you are linked together for life, so you might as well make the best of it. Studies show that children have a much easier time adapting when their parents get along.
You are bound to have disagreements, that is the nature of divorce, however these disagreements should be kept strictly between you and your ex. Your children don’t need to know how frustrated you are with each other. Children internalize these arguments and often blame themselves for them if you are not careful. As frustrated as you are with your ex, you never want to put your child in that kind of a situation. If there is no chance of having a civil conversation with your ex, stick to text messages or emails. That way the kids don’t overhear anything they shouldn’t and you can stop yourself before you say something you regret.
Despite your efforts at kindness, you may have an ex who just isn’t willing to play nice. If that is the case remember that you are in control. You can’t control what they do or say, but you can control your reaction. You teach people how to treat you; set boundaries. If you get a nasty text, don’t respond until you are treated with respect. You don’t need to be treated that way.
If your ex is saying cruel things about you to your children there isn’t a lot you can do about it, but live your life in a way that will show them the truth. Your children know you better than anyone. It won’t take long for them to see what is really going on. There is no need to retaliate and tell them horrible things about their father. Instead, take the high road. The truth will come out in time. In the meantime, just hold your head up high and show them who you really are.