Gone are the days when my three kids would de-brief with me at the end of every day—I would hear all the details of who said what and what they ate for lunch and how they scraped their knee. It is not that my kids don’t talk to me anymore now that they are teenagers; it is just that we might go days without a peep and then I’ll get caught in the kitchen and get a real ear-full of everything that has been going on.
I do get a lot of “fines” now when I ask how the kids are doing and what is going on. My son is famous for now saying, “It’s all good” or “I’m good”—which doesn’t really tell me much of anything. But then, when I least expect it—I’ll be surprised with a very detailed conversation about all sorts of things. It is definitely feast or famine.
My eldest daughter was so busy socially last week that I hardly saw her at all—we communicated with phone messages and notes and e-mail as she went on a day trip to the coast, to movies with friends and even had a water balloon fight at a local park. It wasn’t until Sunday morning that she plopped down in a chair in the living room where I was working and started talking—she talked nonstop for about an hour and a half, only taking a break to go for a glass of milk or a second piece of coffee cake. I was soon caught up on who was dating, what had happened on the coast trip, the new shoes that her grandmother gave her and all sorts of details that I can’t even remember!
It is sometimes hard for me to trust in the process with the teenagers—I start to feel disconnected and worried if I don’t hear from one or more of them for a few days. I fuss and stress about what might be going on in their worlds and worry that they might be doing things that they don’t want me to know about. But, inevitably, the conversations come and I confess that I sometimes start craving a little of that silence again. But, I try to make sure that I’m ready to listen—when they are ready to finally spill the beans!
See Also: Talking to Your Kids About Drugs
You Can Sit Here–But Don’t Talk to Me!
Improving Communication Through Parent-Child Contracts