About 1/3 of adults in the United States have faced the death of a child or a sibling. For these families, the holidays are an extremely difficult time. Losing a child is a pain like no other, and unless you have experienced such a loss, it is nearly impossible to understand the depth of emotions that the parents and siblings are living with. If you have lost a child this year or ever, here are some tips from Compassionate Friends to help you get through the holiday season.
1. Plan ahead. You will not be able to go to every holiday party or visit every family member. Choose which parties are most important to you and your family and commit only to those. If you don’t want to go to any, that’s fine too.
2. Ask for help. Even the small tasks are harder to do around the holidays. Don’t overwhelm yourself. If you are having trouble keeping up with housework, planning meals, or getting any Christmas shopping done, ask friends for help.
3. Don’t feel like you have to pretend to have holiday spirit. No one is expecting you to be as jolly as St. Nick himself. If you have always been the one stringing the most festive lights, it’s okay to skip it. If you’d like to consider placing a single electric powered candle in your window in memory of your child. There’s no need to hang thousands of decorations.
4. If you have always played the role of holiday hostess, it’s okay to sit this one out. Everyone will understand if you are not up to planning a party this year.
5. Often after a child dies, old holiday traditions are dropped for new ones that celebrate your child’s life. Use the holidays as a chance to reflect and honor your child’s memory in unique, special ways.
6. Your other children should of course, be included in your plans. They are mourning a sibling, but children need some normalcy and the holidays can provide that for them. For their sake, try not to skip out on all of the holiday events.
7. Don’t worry about not getting everything done that you had planned. Go easy on yourself and don’t feel guilty about skipping events or not getting all of the pies made.
8. If you are shopping for others, try skipping the stores and shopping online. Or you can shop in the early morning or late at night in order to avoid the holiday bustle.
9. Participate in a memorial service such as The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting. It can be large and formal, or short and private.
10. Try to remember that the anxiety and anticipation of the holidays are harder than the actual holiday itself.
Take it easy during the holidays and lean on others for support. For more help, visit compasionatefriends.org to find a support group in your area.