Let’s face it, there are times when we feel really connected with our child or children and our parenting focus seems really crystal clear, then there are those other times when our kids are going through a challenging stage or we just seem distant and the parent-child relationship is anything but emotionally rewarding. Instead of getting overly frustrated or throwing in the towel, we can hang in there until the tide turns again…
When my children were small, I never questioned the “what” of what I was getting out of being a parent. I felt incredibly connected and, in fact, there were many times when it felt like the four of us against the world. As they got older however, and maneuvered through some rather unpleasant growth spurts, there were times when I felt like weeks passed without us having even one single pleasant interaction. These have been the very hardest times for me as a single parent. For me, as long as I feel connected to my kids, I feel like we can get through anything! It is the emotional distance that can be unbearable.
I remember years ago when we were going through some family counseling in the midst of “the divorce”—the counselor asked me if I was feeling emotionally connected, or like parenting was emotional rewarding. Up until then, I had never thought that I had a right to expect or assume that parenting would be emotional rewarding; I figured it had just been a perk of the way things had gone so far. The fact is, we DO have a right to expect emotionally rewarding relationships with our children—they take work, but they are possible. There are going to be times when we experience distance, however, and we need to be able to ride those times out—much easier said than done.
I’ve found that it can be helpful to have safe people to talk to who understand how I’m feeling and it also helps for me to try to stay connected to my child in whatever ways I can when we are going through a tough time. That way, we’ve kept the lines of communication open and we can pick up when things start to get back to normal.
Also: Emotional Mirroring
Creating a Positive Home Environment