Bed time can be a challenge and we often talk here in the Parents’ blog about different ways to make a bedtime routine workable and make bedtime go more smoothly. One of the topics we haven’t really covered is what to do when a child starts getting up after going to bed. When you’ve done everything you can think of to create a consistent bedtime routine and the child pops up after being tucked in or comes up with a dozen reasons to get back out of bed once you’ve got her in there—what can you do?
So, what is going on when a child gets back up? There are those who simply refuse to go to bed or get cranky, wound up or crabby at bedtime, but then there are those who will go through the entire bedtime routine process, say goodnight and snuggle in, and then come up with many reasons to get back up. This can be incredibly frustrating! Ask yourself what might be going on—is the child afraid of the dark? Still wound up or afraid to be alone? Is it a control issue? Perhaps it is time for a later bedtime? If the child has been just fine for a while and the “getting back up” is a new development, I would ask myself if it is time for a later bedtime or look at what might have changed in the child’s life to make bedtime different.
Continue to set limits with compassion. You do not have to indulge the stalling and balking behaviors. You can say something like: “Once I have tucked you into bed, it is time for you to settle yourself and go to sleep. You may read books quietly in your bed but you may not get back up.” If you respond to every excuse, it will only reinforce the child’s behaviors. If the child has gone to the bathroom, had a snack, brushed teeth, etc. you do not need to give him one more chance (and one more, and one more again.) You can say “no” and set limits. I do think it helps, however, to empower the child with her own settling tools—reading books quietly in bed, drawing in her notebook, coloring, etc.– things that she can do to settle herself until she can fall asleep.
It is important to remember that just because you think you have a good bedtime routine, it may be inadequate. Look at what you can do BEFORE bedtime to help alleviate the getting back up after you have tucked your child in.
Also: Teaching Your Child to Stay in Bed
When Your Child Won’t Go to Sleep