Any parent who has had to deal with a sick child or a child who has hurt himself knows how tough it can be to figure out exactly where it is hurting or what has gone wrong. Often children just cry and whimper, or if they have a very high fever, it is impossible to get them to tell us what is wrong. Communicating with our child when he or she is ill or hurt can be a huge challenge!
“Tell me where it hurts” or “Show me where it hurts” are common tactics for parents. It just seems to come naturally for us to try to get our child to at least pinpoint the area that is aching. Sometimes we need more from our child, however, than just the location of the pain, we need to determine if it is acute pain, or how long it has been hurting, or whether or not the pain is getting better or worse.
What I have learned over the years is to try to create a no-pressure situation. If the child feels pressured or as if you are very upset or agitated, it can make it harder for him or her to relax enough to tell you what is really going on. Also, if for some reason the child is afraid that he or she will get in trouble, get a shot, or have further pain inflicted, he might try to cover up or be ambiguous about the pain. Set the stage by being accepting, non-pressuring, and creating an envelope of care and concern.
While you may need to give your child vocabulary for the pain, watch out for projecting or leading him to say things. You can ask your child choice questions like: “Does the pain feel like you are being poked or does it feel throbbing? Or does it feel like something else?” Giving choices and words to describe different kinds of pain can be helpful. You can also ask the child if he has ever felt like this before. He may be able to say something like: “It feels like when I threw up at Grandma’s house.” Then you can search your memory bank to determine what sort of illness the child had then and see if it helps you figure out what is going on.
When in doubt, see a doctor. I found that my children were often able to explain things to their doctor when they couldn’t explain to me.
See Also: the HEALTH blog