I am a blessed woman! I am married to a Godly man and I am a better person because of him. Recently a friend asked him to write down his thoughts on how a man should lead his wife. I asked him if I could share his response on the blog and he graciously agreed. Without further ado . . . My Husband, Dr. Joshua Huffman
I think the first step is knowing God. If you don’t begin here you just end up in legalism. The best biblical example of knowing God and marriage is found in Ephesians. In fact, Paul says in Ephesians that husbands should treat their wives like Jesus did the church.
“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Eph. 5:22-27 (NIV).
Husbands loving wives and wives submitting to husbands. These verses are commonly quoted but I think to the Ephesians who first read this, it must have been mind-blowing. In the Greek culture of the day a man was definitely the head of his house, wives have no legal rights and basically did his bidding. This truth must have hit the Ephesian men hard. Jesus was saying, “Follow my example, love her like I love you.”
This is more than just a strategy for having a happy marriage, but it is a call to communion with Christ in loving our wives selflessly.
Step two is knowing yourself. You’ve got to know your strengths and weaknesses as a husband. On the good side, maybe you’re very romantic and caring and you serve your wife. On the bad side, maybe you avoid conflict and haven’t really pushed her to overcome her insecurities. You are going to have to grow in this area in order to help her be a mature woman of God.
“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7 (KJV)
According to knowledge means knowing her stuff and lovingly help her to change and grow.
Once you understand that foundation, then you can have a more clear vision for leading your wife. To lead means that you spend time with your wife purposing to help her grow as a disciple of Jesus. This could be a scheduled weekly time or just making a good conversation over coffee. The basics are making sure she spends time with God in prayer, the word, and worship. Help her have a strong relationship with the Lord. Making sure she knows how to be a friend and serve the body, how to reach out to unbelievers. Helping her to manage the house well and train the children.
I think it is difficult to say exactly what makes up a Godly wife. I just know one when I’m around one. I would start with making sure the last paragraph is happening. I think a Godly wife would also deeply embrace the values of the church. Ultimately, what is the fruit of her life? Is her home a place of ministry? Do the children love each other? Does she have younger women who follow her example? Is her husband strengthened and encouraged? Is the kingdom being advanced through her life? The prototypical example is Proverbs 31, and it might be good for you to read that over again.